Patience

I have married a very patient man

it's not easy having me sitting on his lap

as I sing my little heart out whilst reading blogs

especially when it's the Dixie Chicks I am singing to

he is patient just watching me do my thing

not saying anything, just being with me

baggy sweat pants, T Shirt and all

he doesn't care, he just wants to be with me

then again, he's been playing with my boobs the whole time

and farting

I guess I am pretty patient too

Listening to: "Landslide" -Dixie Chicks. Confession: I love the Dixie Chicks. Country is not at all my genre, but these girls are amazing. They play their own instruments and they actually harmonize, a former choir nerd like me digs that.

Insecurr

Kanye West talks about his girl being self-conscious in his All Falls Down. As much as I like to deny it, I can totally relate to her and the way she feels, I am very insecure myself. I have my good days when I don't mind my curves at all, they make me feel more like a woman especially when I feel my husband get excited over my wobbly bits, like all the time yo! He's crazy about me just the way I am and I enjoy that, it helps me love 'me' that much more.

Lately I've been so insecurr ( I like to say it Kanye style), nothing fits right, my hair is a mess, and my lovely round bits don't seem as fun anymore. I figured out why! Yes, I could take better care of my body, but that's not it...I work with shallow people and shallow people bring me down.

My coworkers are awesome, seriously, we laugh our asses off, but there are times when I feel so crap about myself because of the things they say and do. First of all, they're constantly weighing themselves at my desk because the scale is right by it. They complain that 115 lbs is too fat, they've never been that heavy in their lives. I usually crack up and say my nipple weighs more than that, but seriously, I think I was 13 yrs old the last time I weighed that.

They also always order our uniforms from Victoria's Secret, which I would love to be able to fit my freakin' boobs into, I am not HUGE, but I am busty enough that Vickies just hates me. My coworkers usually just look at me disappointed because we can't order the same outfits for everyone.

Today we were looking at pictures because of the girls is a wedding photographer. We came across this super sexy bride and a not so cute groom.

"why is she even with him?"

"he must have money"

"he must be hung"

"she's just too cute for him"

I exploded and told they they were shallow. They nervously giggled and moved on. I really wanted to say more, but one of the girls is single and miserable, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I should be super sassy and not care about what others around me think, usually I am, but I think being around this type of mentality is really getting to me. I am constantly comparing their perfectly dimple-free butts to mine, I am not that and I never will be so I need to get over it. How do I get over it? I think I need to take naked pictures of myself, that might help. OK, maybe not.




Listening to: "Lay Down" -Floetry.

An Acquired Taste

Graphic post! Not for the faint of heart or the weak in stomach.




I've been meaning to write about this for a while but I just haven't had the balls to do so...

I've been sexually active since I was 19, he was my only partner, my husband (yeah, young, I know) for almost 7 years. He only gave me oral sex once when we were first married then another time almost at the end of our marriage because I made him do it, yes, I begged. I've never really talked to him about it and his reasons for not doing it as much as I would have liked. Being the silly girl that I am, I just assumed it was because perhaps I don't taste very good.

Once I became single again I decided to give myself a try. I showered, shaved, used fragrance-free soap, and with the help of a very naughty letter from Scotsman, I aroused myself. I wouldn't say I tasted bad, but you can tell I eat a lot of protein, I'm a protein freak. I tried changing my diet, I ate pineapple everyday for about 2 weeks and that changed my "flavor", I was very tart. Then I tried eating lots of yogurt and that made me taste pretty much tasteless, I liked that.

With time, I completely forgot about my diet and my plan of having a tasty cunt because I was just having fun falling in love with Scotsman. We didn't jump on the oral sex wagon right away, but when it finally happened it rocked my world, I had been missing that in my sexual life.

Although he's down there often, I still have my insecurities, I still feel like perhaps I'm not good or tasty enough. I've been stupid enough to ask him about his previous experiences with other girls, he always says he's really not had that much experience to have any opinion other than he loves me and he loves going down on me.

The topic came up in tonight's dinner conversation...

"what do you mean you had to get used to my taste?"

"well, it's like Haggis, the first time you have it you're not sure whether you like it or not, but now I think it's tasty..."


What the fuck?! Freakin' Haggis compared to my cunt????!!! This is why I don't understand this Scotsman's way of thinking sometimes. No matter how tasty he thinks haggis is, I still think is not a good thing to compare to my girly bits. I think I might be keeping my legs closed for a bit at least for oral encounters. Wish me luck.




Listening to: "Make You Happy" -Musiq Soulchild. I love this man, I must see him perform live at least once before I die.

Breast Self Exam

A few days ago, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force’s announced it’s new recommendations for Screening for Breast Cancer. It advices against teaching women about self-examination. While I am not one that is constantly checking her boobies, I completely disagree. I don't know where I read it (sorry) but in about 75% of cancer cases, it was the women that had found the tumors themselves.

When it comes to self-examination I am a total chicken, boobs weird me out. Don't get me wrong, I love being fondled, bitten, licked, you name it, but when it comes to my own fingertips going around my breasts I just get really weirded out.

When I was about 25 I had my yearly feminine check up. The Dr did his thing, first the pap, then the long due breast exam, he was so looking forward to it, I could tell. He went around the breast part, that was fine, but then the areola onto the nipple. I was cringing and I might have teared up a little bit. He could tell I was uncomfortable so he stopped and gave me a pamphlet on home self-examination.

I got home, hopped in the shower and decided to do that dreaded self-exam. I started around the breast, doing circles with my fingertips, it wasn't too bad. I worked my fingertips around the areola and that's when I started feeling really sick, I tried to ignore the feeling and kept circling around my nipple, pressing down feeling around for any lumps. I thought I had felt something, but no, it couldn't be, and it wasn't, it was just my nipple getting a bit poky. I couldn't take it anymore and I threw up in the shower. Lovely!

Although I think it's very important to have a self-exam at least twice a year, I am not one that does it. Perhaps I need to teach Scotsman how to do the exam for me, I rather have him do it than me.



Listening to: "Stay" -Jay Sean. I haven't listened to any R&B forever! I kinda miss it, that used to be my thing...

Pantrucas

It's getting cold over here in Utah, so my Chileaness kicked in and I made Pantrucas. Here's what you need...

A Chilean in proper attire...I can't be uncomfortable

Brown some ground beef and onions. Add spices, lots of paprika, garlic, bullion, salt, cumin, I don't really measure, sorry.

Shredded carrot.

Green beans and corn



potatoes, then fill with water


Pantrucas are pretty easy, just 1 cup of flour, pinch of salt, about 2 tbsp of oil, and warm water until it's soft

Knead and cut
When soup is boiling and potatoes are soft, add the pantrucas

Enjoy!


Listening to: "White Winter Hymnal" -Fleet Foxes. How appropriate!

I Just Love Ignorance...

I shouldn't complain because I had three free kids meal coupons for Del Taco. But c'mon! Can we be any more ignorant?


Check out the fabulous spelling job...




and the stereotypical view of a Mexican in the kids playground...






Listening to: "Great Expectations" -Elbow.

I Wasn't Ready

Snow should not come so early in the year. To me, snow should come in late December right around Christmas. I had to buy boots and a space heater because I am freezing. I really should stop bitching though because it is a nice view from my little kitchen window.


Listening to: "Lullaby" -Newton Faulkner.